My Wallet is Bulging With Money. Repeat.

I was doing some research today for the company Christmas letter, and I couldn’t help but laugh. As the token writer in the office, it is my responsibility to navigate the space between brokerage firm compliance, personal disclosure, and non-denominational holiday cheer.

I began by opening an email that had been fwd: fwd: fwd: to me by the company president. Her instructions were to write something similar to the letter attached. So I opened the attachment and quickly scanned the two and a half page document. Whoa, I thought. There’s a lot of Jesus in this, a lot of joy, and. …affirmations? What the heck is an affirmation?

My only knowledge of affirmations consists of a Sex and the City episode I watched about three summers ago (if I had a dime for every drop of education I’ve received from that show, an entire restaurant would have a round of Cosmos on me). Something about Charlotte repeating the same, positive sentence to herself 40 times a day for 40 days in order to believe is true. A little cathartic, but it doesn’t take much to pique my curiosity. I needed more information.

Enter Google: A-f-f-i-r-m-a-t-i-o-n-s. My search yielded a slew of sponsored websites, each charging $79.99 for a how-to affirmations handbook. No thanks, I thought. L-i-s-t o-f a-f-f-i-r-m-a-t-i-o-n-s …bingo! Now all the affirmation gurus out there are smiling because they know there is no such thing as one, catchall affirmation. Nor will the key to my holiday letter success lie under the hyperlink “Holiday” category. No. Hope is much harder to find on the Internet than you may think.

Here I learn that it takes 40 days to impress upon the unconscious “reacting” mind all that you desire and dream. Then it becomes automatic behavior in the conscious “acting” mind. Supposedly, affirmations are the same as doing any time of repetitive exercise to change or learn a new behavior. I read on. It is very important to say the affirmation slowly with feeling. Give yourself time to let your body feel the affirmation. If your affirmation refers to “wealth,” then feel the wealth.

They have me at feel the wealth.

Here are a few of my favorite examples in the “money” category:

“Unexpected money simply falls into my lap” (Chuckle.)
“I receive money just by thinking luxuriously.” (Harder chuckle.)
“When I open my mailbox, there is always a check for me.” (Now I’m laughing. Apparently, the affirmation experts don’t share a mailbox with two three-year-old and five year old neighbors. I’m lucky if I even get my mail most days.)

Then just when I think my good laugh if over, just as I’m about to navigate away from the page, I notice a simple sentence out of the corner of my eye: “My wallet is bulging with money.”

And right there they’ve got me, I’m a believer. Hook, line, and sinker. Imagine the friends I’ll make repeating this out loud for 40 days. I can hardly clasp my clutch just thinking about it. My wallet is bulging with money …my wallet is bulging with money …my wallet is bulging with money… (I’ll let you know how this works out).