"I've got a friend in Aromatherapy. She tells her problems to a scented candle."

I went to a hillarious, pink-themed charity event last night called “Girls Night Out” to benefit Girls Incorporated of Metro Denver. The event began with a cocktail hour that I would know nothing about due to the traffic jam I was stuck in for an hour trying to get downtown. Luckily, there's no two-drink minimum to appreciate comedian Rita Rudner.

Voted the “Best Comedian in Las Vegas” by the Las Vegas Review-Journal for the last five years, and has had several comedy specials on HBO, including “Rita Rudner’s One Night Stand.” She came out dressed in a floor-length blue gown, diamond bracelets, and glossy red lipstick, but was quick to admit that she's really just a flat-chested, gray-haired, 5'1" Asian man beneath the makeup. She greeted the room of a thousand plus women with a smirk and a curtsy, then introduced herself to one of the only men in the room at the front table.

From cosmetic surgery to shoes, Rita gave poor Matt a front-row spanking by explaining why women wear 5" heels, and how until the day a woman dies, she'll never give up trying to create an optical illusion of how she looks. “You see, Matt,” she said, “even a 700-lbs. woman would look slender in 64" heels.” With wine-stained lips, the women in the crowd roared with laughter.

Later that evening, front-row Matt learned to appreciate shopping as a form of indoor hunting for woman, and Rita made a vow in honor of the struggling economy. With military pride, she proclaimed, "I am no longer just shopping for myself. I am shopping for my country."

Since nothing gets high society woman writing checks quite like wine and botox jokes, I can imagine the event was a great success. But really... For more than 25 years, Girls Inc. has inspired girls in and around the west Colfax neighborhood to be Strong, Smart and Bold. Five years ago, Girls, Inc. built a new gymnasium, dance studio, and classroom-style facility to provide the neighborhood girls with a place to meet every day after school. The purpose of Girls, Inc. programming is to enable underprivileged elementary through high school students to achieve their full potential by conquering social, legal and cultural barriers.

Though I was a little disappointed my $20 raffle ticket didn’t pay off in the form of the $6,000 Tiffany’s bracelet prize, Rita’s dry, classy humor, and the opportunity to support this incredible organization made the traffic jam worthwhile.